


Vergangenheitsbewältigung

by greenmountaingirl



Series: Kuddlemuddel [3]
Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, F/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 14:23:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13460121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenmountaingirl/pseuds/greenmountaingirl
Summary: Vergangenheitsbewältigung: the struggle to come to terms with the pastRiley attends a Cluster wedding... and remembers her's.From your mouth speaks your lovely voiceThe softest words ever spoken"What's broken can always be fixedWhat's fixed will always be broken"You put your arms around me"Your Arms Around Me" - Jens Lekman





	Vergangenheitsbewältigung

**After**

“You look amazing,” Riley zips up the back of Nomi’s dress, carefully maneuvering around the lace and delicate silk lining. 

Nomi’s cheeks flush at the compliment. “I never thought I’d be doing this.” Her voice shakes, “I never thought I would have anyone of my own and now…” Tears well up and start to fall.

“No, no, no. Its okay. Hush now,” Riley pulls Nomi against her in comfort, trying not to crinkle her dress. 

Nomi takes a deep breath and hiccups slightly, trying to get control of herself. “I’m sorry. This must be hard for you.” She pushes up her glasses to avoid the tears that won’t stop falling. 

Riley’s smile is gentle, but doesn’t quite light up her eyes. She brushes Nomi’s hair away from her face, “I’m happy to see you so happy.”

“Knock, knock ladies,” Will comes in shielding his eyes as though he hasn’t seen the entire cluster naked, “Amanita sent me to check on progress in here?”

Riley gets butterflies looking at him. His cobalt shirt makes his eyes a more intense shade of blue. His hair is longer and a little unkempt, now that he isn’t a cop anymore, making him more boyish. Riley itches to comb it into place.

“Just a few more minutes,” Riley says. 

She turns back to Nomi, and Will shuts the door. A lump forms inside Riley’s chest  -- the same, familiar guilt about being happy. The same guilt about being alive.   

Nomi meets her eyes and looks so serious for a moment, registering what Riley is feeling. “It’s okay to give yourself permission to live again.” 

Riley doesn’t respond, but shares a memory with Nomi instead. 

  
  


**Before**

Riley clutches her dad’s arm as they walk down the aisle to “Baba O'Riley,” strategically holding her bouquet in a vain attempt to hide her baby bump. She is wearing the best dress that can accommodate her new waistline. The flowers were picked up at the shop on the way to the service. The church is more empty than full. 

But nothing matters, because all Riley can see is Magnús . He’s never looked so handsome. His blonde curls brush the shoulders of his only suit jacket, and his eyes twinkled with tenderness. 

“You look magical,” Magnús says, taking her hand.

“We are gathered here today -” 

After the ceremony, they bundled up against the fall wind and had an enormous, delicious meal at Sven’s house. All is warm, cozy and safe --  everything Riley has ever wanted. They dance in the living room to her father’s music until their friends leave. 

They curl upon their threadbare couch, under a quilt her mother had made so long ago, and enjoy their first night as a married couple. They place their hands on her growing belly, feeling their tiny daughter moving ever so slightly. 

Riley feels tears on her cheeks. Magnús kisses them away. 

“What if I don’t deserve this happiness? What if I really am hexed? What if -”

“You deserve all the happiness in the world.” Magnús holds her tighter. “Everything will be fine. We have everything we need right here.”

Riley falls asleep a while later, clutching Magnús and the life he promises to share with her. 

 

**After**

“You may kiss the brides!” 

The crowd cheers as Amanita and Nomi share their first married kiss. Riley wipes away her tears of joy as she watches Nomi beam. 

_ Maybe you need to give yourself permission to live again. _

Despite sharing so much within her cluster, Riley’s loneliness was persistent. She found herself slightly detached from their joy, slightly isolated in their joint pleasure. Not living as she could. As she should.

“Hey.” Will looks down at her. “You okay?”

“Sorry, I’m just” - she looks around - “remembering.”

Will nods, feeling her pain. Her bittersweet nostalgia overwhelms their senses, but he has never asked her to forget or let Magnús go. Will slips his arm around her shoulders and pulls her to his side, placing his chin on her head. 

Riley can feel his heartbeat in time with hers. His gravitational pull, as Kala calls it, keeping her together. When they were packing for San Francisco three days ago, Riley had found a box in Will’s drawer. A little black velvet box with a delicate, old-fashioned pearl ring inside. The twisted bands reminded her of how intertwined they all were: separate, but always together. 

Riley’s had been amazed that Will was able to hide it from her for so long. (In their shared mind, she shoots Wolfgang and Lito a glare -- they are far sneakier, and Will was obviously under their bad influence.)  

“Champagne?” A waiter offered everyone a glass. 

Will hands one to Riley, and they clink their glasses together.

Nomi is right. Magnús and Lúna wouldn’t have wanted her to die with them. Riley puts her arms around Will’s waist and snuggles deeper. They would have wanted her to live on.

**Author's Note:**

> First of all - I am really sorry for those few of you who have been waiting for the next one in this series. I have been struggling with motivation since it has seemed like so few people were reading. (Which is not the point of writing but hearing from you all does make a HUGE difference in my confidence and willingness to keep putting all my heart and soul in to this.)
> 
> Second - a massive MASSIVE shoutout to Scalec on here for finding me and giving me kudos and support that made me finally post this. 
> 
> Last - but definitely not least - TM Nightjar_Patronus for you ongoing love, support and never pushing me when you know I am not ready to be pushed. You are fabulous.


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